Levi x Reader: It's Not Your Fault (1/2)

You knocked gently on the wood door, waiting for the response inside. There was a short moment of silence until you heard from the other side of the door, "Name and state of business..." the gruff voice sounded tired, and stressed beyond belief.

"It's me..." you said in a soft voice.

Again there was a short pause, nothing sounding in the hall you were in or on the other side of the door. The door knob clicked and the door creaked open, letting you inside the dim lit room. You shut the door quietly behind you. In the doorway was the love of your life, Levi. As you got closer to him, you could see the dark bags under his eyes. His ink black hair no longer perfect and now a matted mess. His eye lids were drooping and so were his shoulders. He had been doing paper work for the past three days. And in those three days? No one has seen him. Not even you.

You were merely inches away from him, his usually unemotional eyes showing you his stress. His eyes followed you as you snaked your arms around his neck, letting you stare straight into the windows of his being. You pulled him to you, into a supportive hug. Your heart nearly broke in two when Levi shook under your arms in sorrow. He lost more of his squad by the Titans not all that long ago, reason for all the paperwork he had piled on his desk. You would have been with them if you weren't sick. And that was probably going through his head right now as you held him: he could have lost you. It was uncharacteristic of him to act this way but you didn't blame him. You just wanted him to let those neglected emotions go, no matter how much it hurt you seeing him like this...which was almost never.

You held him tighter as his shaking began to intensify, you starting to run your hand up and down his back in a calming way. You cooed in a gentle whisper, "It's okay Levi..."

His voice was heartbreakingly broken as he said, "I led them...straight to their deaths, (Name). If I didn't screw up..."

"Hey..." You pulled away from him so you could return looking in his gorgeous grey eyes. You couldn't get over the fact that they were bloodshot, caused by fatigue. You placed your hand up against his hot cheek, stroking it softly with your thumb. You smiled slightly when Levi leaned into your touch. "It wasn't your fault, Levi...it wasn't your fault..."

"I was their damn squad leader...of course it was my fucking fault." Levi pushed your hand away from him before walking away from you. You trailed behind him as he went to his desk. You flinched slightly when his fists crashed onto the desk, making his things on the desk jump. "I should have saw that other Titan coming, I could have warned them, dammit! But being the ass wipe I am, I was too busy fighting the damn Titan alone...God fucking damn it!" He slammed his hands on the desk again.

You sighed deeply at Levi's behavior. You reached out to his shoulder, gripping it lightly. Levi glanced behind his shoulder to see you, making you smile warmly at him. "Don't beat yourself up like that," you told him. "You may feel like it was your fault but it wasn't at all. If you're wanting to blame something, blame the Titans. They're the reason for the deaths, not you or any of the other squad leaders. After all, they're in a better place, Levi. Remember that."

Levi scoffed at the last part. "You know I don't believe in that shit..."

"I know...but just hear me out, okay?" You turned him around, making him face you again. You placed a curled finger under his chin and lifted his head up, trying to get him to look at you. You leaned closer to him, brushing your lips against his. Levi immediately kissed you back, desperate to feel something other than tragedy in his heart. Something positive. You pulled away from him, your hand finding your way into his hair, stroking it comfortingly. "You should get some rest, Levi...you look like you haven't slept in days." When Levi's eyes wavered back to his desk, you gently brought his head back to face you. "Stop thinking about it..."

"I can't..." Levi mumbled. "You could have been there, (Name). If I hadn't made you stay that day..." he took a deep breath. His placed his hand on your stomach. "I would have lost both of you...and I wouldn't be able to live with myself."

"Levi," you gripped onto his hand. "You won't lose me. Ever. I promise you that. After all, you can't make me stay in here forever."

"I can and I will," Levi growled. "You're not going back on missions--"

"Yes, I am," you argued. "Don't want the others get suspicious, like you said. You told me I will only have to stay for a couple of days then I can go back out."

Levi sighed and shook his head, "I said that before I screwed up."

You kissed his cheek. "Just get some rest, Levi..." Before he could protest, you led him to his bed, setting him down. As soon as his head sunk into his pillow, his eyes drooped shut. You crawled up beside him and snuggled close to him. You smiled when you felt his arms go around your waist, pulling you even closer to him. Your eyes fluttered shut and you joined his slumber.



///////////Two days later///////




"God damn it brat, why didn't you listen to me?!" Levi yelled behind held back tears.

He was holding your broken, bleeding form in his arms. Your clouded eyes drifted weakly up to his own. Slowly, you reached up to him, your bloody hand cupping his  cheek. His hand grabbed it, holding it tightly. A broken smile formed on your lips as blood trickled down from its corner. "It's okay, Levi...it's not...your fault."

"(Name), don't you dare close your eyes!" Levi snapped. "That's a direct order!"

"I-I'm sorry..." you whispered,  your voice getting weaker and weaker.

Levi shook you. "Brat, don't you dare! Stay awake, damn it!" He frantically looked around, trying to find a medical team. At the instant he spotted them, he flagged them down. As they rushed over to you two, Levi held you closer to him, "They're coming, (Name). Just hold on for a little bit longer..."

"I'm so tired, Levi..." you murmured. Your eyelids began to slide down.

"No...no! (Name), stay with me! Keep your fucking eyes open, brat!" Levi shook you, trying to keep you awake. His tears finally broke free, dripping down onto your face. "Please...please don't leave me (Name), please!"

"It's not...your...fa...ult..." your head slumped into his chest.

Levi's eyes widened. He placed his hand against your cheek, stroking it. "(Name)?" Your eyes were closed. "(Name), this isn't funny...! Wake up! Wake up, damn it!" Levi shook you harder. "(Name), please! Please don't leave me!"

The recovery team finally arrived. They took you away from Levi, who just stared at where you were in his arms, your blood on them. The sadness in his heart was too much to bear. He curled in on himself, the tears overflowing his eyes and running down his face.

'It wasn't your fault...'